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Boundary Waters Quetico Forum Listening Point - General Discussion Political Humor -- while we wait for Spring |
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03/22/2008 05:01AM (Thread Older Than 3 Years)
Political Science for Dummies
> >
> >>> DEMOCRAT
> >>> You have two cows.
> >>> Your neighbor has none.
> >>> You feel guilty for being successful.
> >>> You push for higher taxes so the government can provide cows for
> >>> everyone.
> >>> REPUBLICAN
> >>> You have two cows.
> >>> Your neighbor has none.
> >>> So?
> >>> SOCIALIST
> >>> You have two cows.
> >>> The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor.
> >>> You form a cooperative to tell him how to manage his cow.
> >>> COMMUNIST
> >>> You have two cows.
> >>> The government seizes both and provides you with milk.
> >>> You wait in line for hours to get it.
> >>> It is expensive and sour.
> >>> CAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLE
> >>> You have two cows.
> >>> You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows.
> >>> BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE
> >>> You have two cows.
> >>> Under the new farm program the government pays you to shoot one,
> >>> milk the other, and then pours the milk down the drain.
> >>> AMERICAN CORPORATION
> >>> You have two cows.
> >>> You sell one, lease it back to yourself and do an IPO on the 2nd
> >>> one.
> >>> You force the two cows to produce the milk of four cows. You are
> >>> surprised when one cow drops dead. You spin an announcement to the
> >>> analysts stating you have downsized and are reducing expenses.
> >>> Your stock goes up.
> >>> FRENCH CORPORATION
> >>> You have two cows.
> >>> You go on strike because you want three cows.
> >>> You go to lunch and drink wine.
> >>> Life is good.
> >>> JAPANESE CORPORATION
> >>> You have two cows.
> >>> You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow
> >>> and produce twenty times the milk.
> >>> They learn to travel on unbelievably crowded trains.
> >>> Most are at the top of their class at cow school.
> >>> GERMAN CORPORATION
> >>> You have two cows.
> >>> You engineer them so they are all blond, drink lots of beer, give
> >>> excellent quality milk, and run a hundred miles an hour.
> >>> Unfortunately they also demand 13 weeks of vacation per year.
> >>> ITALIAN CORPORATION
> >>> You have two cows but you don't know where they are.
> >>> You break for lunch.
> >>> Life is good.
> >>> RUSSIAN CORPORATION
> >>> You have two cows.
> >>> You have some vodka.
> >>> You count them and learn you have five cows.
> >>> You have some more vodka.
> >>> You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.
> >>> The Mafia shows up and takes over however many cows you really have.
> >>> TALIBAN CORPORATION
> >>> You have all the cows in Afghanistan, which are two.
> >>> You don't milk them because you cannot touch any creature's private
> >>> parts.
> >>> You get a $40 million grant from the US government to find
> >>> alternatives to milk production but use the money to buy weapons.
> >>> IRAQI CORPORATION
> >>> You have two cows.
> >>> They go into hiding.
> >>> They send radio tapes of their mooing.
> >>> POLISH CORPORATION
> >>> You have two bulls.
> >>> Employees are regularly maimed and killed attempting to milk them.
> >>> BELGIAN CORPORATION
> >>> You have one cow.
> >>> The cow is schizophrenic.
> >>> Sometimes the cow thinks he's French, other times he's Flemish.
> >>> The Flemish cow won't share with the French cow.
> >>> The French cow wants control of the Flemish cow's milk.
> >>> The cow asks permission to be cut in half.
> >>> The cow dies happy.
> >>> FLORIDA CORPORATION
> >>> You have a black cow and a brown cow.
> >>> Everyone votes for the best looking one.
> >>> Some of the people who actually like the brown one best
> >>> accidentally vote for the black one.
> >>> Some people vote for both.
> >>> Some people vote for neither.
> >>> Some people can't figure out how to vote at all.
> >>> Finally, a bunch of guys from out-of-state tell you which one you
> >>> think is the best-looking cow.
> >>> CALIFORNIA CORPORATION
> >>> You have millions of cows.
> >>> They make real California cheese.
> >>> Only five speak English.
> >>> Most are illegal.
> >>> Arnold likes the ones with the big udders.
> >>>
> >
> >>> DEMOCRAT
> >>> You have two cows.
> >>> Your neighbor has none.
> >>> You feel guilty for being successful.
> >>> You push for higher taxes so the government can provide cows for
> >>> everyone.
> >>> REPUBLICAN
> >>> You have two cows.
> >>> Your neighbor has none.
> >>> So?
> >>> SOCIALIST
> >>> You have two cows.
> >>> The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor.
> >>> You form a cooperative to tell him how to manage his cow.
> >>> COMMUNIST
> >>> You have two cows.
> >>> The government seizes both and provides you with milk.
> >>> You wait in line for hours to get it.
> >>> It is expensive and sour.
> >>> CAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLE
> >>> You have two cows.
> >>> You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows.
> >>> BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE
> >>> You have two cows.
> >>> Under the new farm program the government pays you to shoot one,
> >>> milk the other, and then pours the milk down the drain.
> >>> AMERICAN CORPORATION
> >>> You have two cows.
> >>> You sell one, lease it back to yourself and do an IPO on the 2nd
> >>> one.
> >>> You force the two cows to produce the milk of four cows. You are
> >>> surprised when one cow drops dead. You spin an announcement to the
> >>> analysts stating you have downsized and are reducing expenses.
> >>> Your stock goes up.
> >>> FRENCH CORPORATION
> >>> You have two cows.
> >>> You go on strike because you want three cows.
> >>> You go to lunch and drink wine.
> >>> Life is good.
> >>> JAPANESE CORPORATION
> >>> You have two cows.
> >>> You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow
> >>> and produce twenty times the milk.
> >>> They learn to travel on unbelievably crowded trains.
> >>> Most are at the top of their class at cow school.
> >>> GERMAN CORPORATION
> >>> You have two cows.
> >>> You engineer them so they are all blond, drink lots of beer, give
> >>> excellent quality milk, and run a hundred miles an hour.
> >>> Unfortunately they also demand 13 weeks of vacation per year.
> >>> ITALIAN CORPORATION
> >>> You have two cows but you don't know where they are.
> >>> You break for lunch.
> >>> Life is good.
> >>> RUSSIAN CORPORATION
> >>> You have two cows.
> >>> You have some vodka.
> >>> You count them and learn you have five cows.
> >>> You have some more vodka.
> >>> You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.
> >>> The Mafia shows up and takes over however many cows you really have.
> >>> TALIBAN CORPORATION
> >>> You have all the cows in Afghanistan, which are two.
> >>> You don't milk them because you cannot touch any creature's private
> >>> parts.
> >>> You get a $40 million grant from the US government to find
> >>> alternatives to milk production but use the money to buy weapons.
> >>> IRAQI CORPORATION
> >>> You have two cows.
> >>> They go into hiding.
> >>> They send radio tapes of their mooing.
> >>> POLISH CORPORATION
> >>> You have two bulls.
> >>> Employees are regularly maimed and killed attempting to milk them.
> >>> BELGIAN CORPORATION
> >>> You have one cow.
> >>> The cow is schizophrenic.
> >>> Sometimes the cow thinks he's French, other times he's Flemish.
> >>> The Flemish cow won't share with the French cow.
> >>> The French cow wants control of the Flemish cow's milk.
> >>> The cow asks permission to be cut in half.
> >>> The cow dies happy.
> >>> FLORIDA CORPORATION
> >>> You have a black cow and a brown cow.
> >>> Everyone votes for the best looking one.
> >>> Some of the people who actually like the brown one best
> >>> accidentally vote for the black one.
> >>> Some people vote for both.
> >>> Some people vote for neither.
> >>> Some people can't figure out how to vote at all.
> >>> Finally, a bunch of guys from out-of-state tell you which one you
> >>> think is the best-looking cow.
> >>> CALIFORNIA CORPORATION
> >>> You have millions of cows.
> >>> They make real California cheese.
> >>> Only five speak English.
> >>> Most are illegal.
> >>> Arnold likes the ones with the big udders.
> >>>
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